Tuesday, September 07, 2004

“In a Gaza Tailor’s Shop”

by David March

Scene: a quiet and elegant shop similar to J.Press or Brooks Brothers. Racks of clothing along one wall, cubby holes for folded items along another. A clerk draped with a measuring tape stands facing the cubby holes, checking items on a list with a pencil stub. A wild-eyed fanatic in slightly frayed terrorist attire opens the door and the clerk turns to greet him.

Clerk: "Good morrow to you, sir. How may I serve you today?"

Fanatic, glancing about twitchily: "My associate Nabil tells me you're running a special on exploding apparel this week..."

Clerk: "Ah, yes. We just took delivery this morning on the latest styles from Acme and Warner. If you please, step just over here by the mirror..."
“If I may... direct your attention to some of the new features. See, they have paid special attention to the stitching here under the arms--- no binding, see?--- and here, these additional pockets for those extra ounces of product--- and NO unsightly bulges...Oh and here we have a business-card-sized titanium insert for a final message glorifying Allah the Merciful. The inscription is included with the purchase...”
“Finally, here, a special internal pouch for a discrete little booby trap, something extra for the post-event clean-up crew!”

Fanatic: “They DO think of everything. But, actually, this is a bit more presumptuous than I was looking for... I’m shopping for a friend... It just needs to be a little more casual.”

Clerk: “Ah, I think I see where you’re headed... Okay, Here’s something a bit less dramatic, but it still conveys a very strong message.”

Fanatic, thinking: “Mmmmm. No, that’s still not quite what I had in mind...”

Clerk: “Well, perhaps something RETRO... Here, Here, this might intrigue... Designed for either Cordite or Black Powder! Excellent for smaller INTIMATE gatherings.”

Fanatic: ‘Say, I’ve always liked that... You know, aroma of fireworks.”

Clerk: “Yes, distinctive and so... Piquant!”

Fanatic: “You got anything in a Napalm motif?”


Post a Comment

<< Home