Death to Spammers!

I desecrate and despise you spammers, you dung-eating spewers of sewage from your mouths; I call the VENGEANCE of Heaven down upon your loathesome keyboards, and implore the Almighty God to set needles of FLAMING PHOSPHORUS in the tips of your FINGERS with which you tap out the tattoo of mercenary avarice.

From the teeth of my mouth I spit venom in your offending eyes, which you use only to seek new chinks in the walls guarding the TEMPLE of my BLOG.

Open running sores will be the countenance of your face, when the avenging claws of my hands have raked and flayed the flesh of your cheeks.

Better that you had cast your leprous body into the LEAPING flame of the WEBER grill, than to have pressed that button marked “POST” with your blaspheming and shameless commercial message.

I don’t want your stinking VIAGRA!

NEITHER do I desire to play Texas Hold’em Online!

The Size of my urogenital member, puny or great, is not your concern!

Nor is it my will to re-finance my abode with your kind and unselfish investors.

If I had a button that would give you spam-posting bastards instant everlasting hemmorhoids, my finger would get a blister pushing it over and over and over.

Hey, look! Everyone should be allowed to make a living. But there's a limit.

We keep the drug pushers away from the elementary schools.

We don't allow testing of nuclear weapons in the vicinity of shopping malls.

And we shouldn't have to put up with ASS-HOLES clogging our conversations with their stinking unsolicited, intrusive, un-paid commercial butt-ins.

Spammers, you tread a slender branch above an abyss of blistering blackness.

Keep it up, and I’ll let loose the lawyers on your asses.

When I’m dictator, your heads will be on PIKES by the roadway, as a warning to the others.