Thursday, August 19, 2004


Within seconds of my posting the previous mean-spirited and thoroughly regrettable aspersions on the fine and wonderful people of the European Union, there was a knock on my door. I was in my pyjamas, but in the same generous spirit of civic hospitality that infuses ALL my writing, I hid the bottle of gin, and staggered to the door to answer. No sooner had I unlatched the fifth and final deadbolt, than a very large fist came through and bruised itself quite badly on my cheekbone.

As my eyes began to focus again, I became aware of several very large and well-muscled gentlemen in reasonably fashionable silk Italian suits rummaging through the debris of my filing system and helping themselves to the bags of Doritos kept near my computer station for emergencies. The one nearest me, noticing my attempts to break free of the restraints, said something about “filthy American right-wing yahoo” and administered another brief series of instructive nudges with his finely-polished wing-tips.

As my eyes began to focus again, this time I considered and decided against further testing of my bindings. The visiting gentlemen seemed to have completed their scrutiny of my place, and were just exiting. Over his shoulder, the last one remarked that I might want to post an apology to the offended citizens of the European Union for my loathesome and scurrilous and unjustifiable attacks in the previous post.


In my previous post I made remarks that may have, to some residents of the European Union, seemed to verge on maybe possibly sorta being mean-spirited, disparaging, insulting, and generally implying that I think the people who spent so much time coming up with a constitution that weighs more than the famous filmmaker director Oscar Winner Michael Moore...

Where was I?

Oh, yeah.

... might somehow conclude that I was kinda sorta almost possibly maybe doing something that one of your European Union extremely intelligent legislative bodies would call “hate speech.”

Let me ASSURE you that I have only the utmost respect for a political body that can somehow meld the antagonisms and ancient enmities of communities speaking scores of different languages, and thousands of dialects... A body politic that has been able to cut through the Gordian Knot of all the conflicting currencies and monetary policies and emerge triumphant with the brilliantly-styled EURO (sure hope it doesn’t look like a fewkin’ GAME TOKEN like *OUR* Sacajawea dollar coin!) An enlightened community of cousins, band of brothers, comrades, mates, friends, who only a few generations back were busy slaughtering and incinerating each other.

Hey, we’re pals, right?

Can I tear up this extradition threat now?


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